How Taking Care of Yourself Can Transform Your Libido and Energy

If you’re in your early 40s and feeling oververmoeid, you’re not alone. Women in this age group often find themselves emotionally and physically exhausted, juggling the roles of caregiver, partner, mother, friend, and the reliable pillar for their social circles. It’s a full plate. And let’s be real—where on that plate is the space for your own pleasure and rest?

The Pleasure Dilemma: Conditioned to Give, Not Receive

From a young age, women are often socialized to prioritize the happiness of others. We learn that being a good partner or mother means being ever-available, ever-giving. But what if we told you that constantly putting yourself last isn’t just draining you but might also be affecting your libido?

According to Dr. Emily Nagoski, sex educator and author of Come As You Are, stress and fatigue can dramatically dampen desire. Our nervous systems are hardwired to respond to stress by going into survival mode, which deprioritizes libido. When you’re constantly catering to others, your system stays in a state of “go-go-go,” leaving little energy or desire for intimacy.

A Familiar Pattern

Take Marie, 42, a mother of two. Between school runs, work, and trying to maintain her relationship with her partner, she hadn’t realized she’d lost touch with herself. “I used to think my low libido was a problem I had to fix,” she shared. “But it turns out, I was just burned out from giving everything away.” Marie’s story isn’t rare; it’s a reality for many women who have conditioned themselves to put everyone else first.

The Solution: Reconnect With Yourself

Breaking this cycle starts with giving yourself permission to prioritize your own pleasure. And yes, we mean that kind of pleasure. Masturbation isn’t just a feel-good activity—it’s a way to realign with your body’s needs, rediscover your sensuality, and activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms you and promotes better sleep and energy levels.

Research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine indicates that women who regularly engage in self-pleasure report higher levels of sexual satisfaction and, interestingly, lower levels of stress. Orgasm releases oxytocin and dopamine, which can elevate your mood and help reset your stress response.

Saying Yes to Yourself

Think about how often you say “yes” to others. Now imagine what would happen if you said “yes” to yourself. To your core needs. To rest. To pleasure. By setting boundaries with your time and energy and allowing yourself space to explore what feels good, you might find your libido waking up.

Masturbation is a profound yet simple way to tune back into your desires. It’s about giving pleasure to yourself, with no expectations and no judgment. When you stop performing for others and start truly listening to your body, you may find that your libido and energy return with a gentle, unexpected ease.

Take a Moment to Breathe (And Dream)

Start small: schedule alone time, run a warm bath, or explore your body with one of our carefully curated pleasure toys. Remember, this is your time, and there is no rush. You deserve to experience the joy and relaxation that come from putting yourself first.

In Wonder State is here to remind you that pleasure is your birthright. So, let’s embrace it, one self-loving moment at a time.

Are you ready to reclaim your energy and rediscover your desire? Start with yourself. Because when you’re more connected to your own pleasure, the world around you becomes that much brighter.